{"id":1480,"date":"2019-06-10T12:16:06","date_gmt":"2019-06-10T16:16:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.verveseniorliving.com\/news-events-blog\/?p=1480"},"modified":"2022-10-04T14:27:59","modified_gmt":"2022-10-04T14:27:59","slug":"dementia-care-how-to-hold-on-to-the-one-that-you-love","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/verveseniorliving.com\/news-events-blog\/dementia-care-how-to-hold-on-to-the-one-that-you-love\/","title":{"rendered":"Dementia Care: How to Hold On to the One that You Love"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Credit
Credit River Resident Fred Collins<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Evelyn Collins appreciates the little things in life. The highlight of her day is that singular moment of joy when her husband Fred stops whatever he might be doing to watch her with a steady gaze.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s as if he is aware that I belong to him,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

That feeling of fullness \u2014 knowing that the person you love more than anything in the world, loves you back \u2014is enough to make anyone\u2019s day.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s particularly gratifying for Evelyn.<\/p>\n

Fred Collins is living with dementia. For years, Evelyn did all she could to care for her husband. She doesn\u2019t like to talk about how she may have reached her breaking point. Any questions about why or how this came to be are of little consequence to her. But ask her to tell you about Fred, and what\u2019s important to her today, and you have her rapt attention.<\/p>\n

Visiting Your Loved One on the Memory Care Floor<\/strong><\/p>\n

Fred now lives on the Memory Care floor of Credit River Retirement Residence in Streetsville, Ontario, better known as Mississauga, a suburb of Toronto. It is here where the family of five kids and five grandchildren has the chance to visit and savour the life they shared with their father. But for Evelyn, this time is especially precious, and if possible, even dearer than the remarkable life they began building together more than 64 years ago.<\/p>\n

Evelyn can still remember the moment she first caught a glimpse of Fred. He was her brother Ray\u2019s chum. Like a typical brother, he had failed to mention Fred\u2019s good looks, the blonde hair and, especially, the intelligent eyes. When they met for the first time in her family\u2019s home in Guelph, Ontario, Evelyn was a 22\u2013year-old office manager; Fred was 26, a grade-school teacher. She knew she was in good hands, but did she know she was about to marry an adventurous man? An artist? A dreamer who wouldn\u2019t be satisfied with a successful tenure as a teacher?<\/p>\n

Like most young couples, their early years of marriage were spent raising a family. They relocated throughout southern Ontario as Fred transitioned from teaching grade school students \u2014whom he continued to mentor throughout his life\u2014to teaching high school students. The family eventually set roots in Etobicoke, and both Fred and Evelyn pursued higher education. Evelyn became a librarian at the University of Toronto, after receiving a Master of Arts and a Master of Library Science; and Fred, a Geography Specialist. For 30 years, he served as the head of the Geography department at Mimico High School, where he also taught art and coached the basketball and track and field teams.<\/p>\n

At dinnertime, Evelyn leaves her suite on the independent living floor of the Credit River Retirement Residence to visit Fred on the Memory Care floor. On a good night, when she steps off the elevator, Fred will spot her from far away. He follows her with a steady gaze as she approaches him. Other nights, it takes time for Fred to recognize Evelyn. \u201cAre you my wife?\u201d he might ask. \u201cAre you Evelyn?\u201d Evelyn takes solace in the fact that he is always glad to see her. \u201cHis humour is still there,\u201d she tells me, \u201cand his intelligence still comes through.\u201d Still, it isn\u2019t easy for her to reconcile the changes in her husband with the man who once upon a time enjoyed a life where everything seemed to come so easily.<\/p>\n

At the age of 57, Fred took early retirement from teaching and devoted the rest of his life to his greatest passions: travel and painting. He wanted nothing more than to hop into his beloved blue and white full-size Dodge van and drive across the country \u2014 east and west \u2014sketching and taking photos of the countryside. His landscapes adorn the walls of his room on the Memory Care floor \u2014a window into his world. He had been drawing all his life and enjoyed sharing stories of his childhood in St. Thomas, Ontario, where he and his siblings had whittled away their days playing near a pond. Perhaps it was through his art that he had a chance to reconnect with that place and time in his heart. Today, his art is a reminder of the man he once was and a source of great comfort and joy to his family.<\/p>\n

Find New Ways to Care For Yourself and Those You Love<\/strong><\/p>\n

Living in the independent living suite has been a quiet oasis for Evelyn. There is a sense of relief that those more capable than her can take care of Fred now. \u201cThey\u2019re very good to him,\u201d she says. Not that letting go of the day-to-day caregiving has been easy for her. When she\u2019s not visiting Fred, she likes to go for long walks. She\u2019s the first to admit she\u2019s not much of a joiner. \u201cThere will be a day,\u201d she says when she will join others at lunch, but for now, she wants to keep to herself.<\/p>\n

Her greatest joy is the fact that Fred\u2019s still with her \u2013 he still belongs to her. And she wants to hold on to him for as long as she can.<\/p>\n

\"Dementia \"Dementia<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Evelyn Collins appreciates the little things in life. 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