{"id":3246,"date":"2021-10-29T15:09:28","date_gmt":"2021-10-29T19:09:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.verveseniorliving.com\/news-events-blog\/?p=3246"},"modified":"2021-10-29T15:09:28","modified_gmt":"2021-10-29T19:09:28","slug":"i-think-my-parents-need-more-help-now-what","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/verveseniorliving.com\/news-events-blog\/i-think-my-parents-need-more-help-now-what\/","title":{"rendered":"I think my parents need more help! Now What?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"https:\/\/deborahbakti.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><em>by Deborah Bakti<\/em><\/a><\/p>\n<p><em>Last week, Verve hosted a webinar where I shared three key concepts to help you navigate through this \u2018age and stage\u2019 of life, where you may be worrying and wondering if your parents need more help. If you couldn\u2019t join us on the webinar, you can watch it here or <a href=\"https:\/\/vimeo.com\/640092535\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">click on this link<\/a>\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/vimeo.com\/640092535\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><\/a>. As promised, here\u2019s a summary of the key concepts:<\/em><\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Now What - Recording of Webinar\" src=\"https:\/\/player.vimeo.com\/video\/640092535?dnt=1&amp;app_id=122963\" width=\"500\" height=\"313\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"autoplay; fullscreen; picture-in-picture; clipboard-write\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>Let me start by saying this; if you think your parents need more help, you\u2019re probably right. Perhaps you\u2019re noticing your parents a bit \u2018out of their ordinary\u2019 such as a change in eating patterns, less social engagement, or a change in mood or memory. Or there\u2019s been an event, like a fall, or car accident, or a phone call that they\u2019ve forgotten where they parked their car.<\/p>\n<p>Much like how financial advisers say \u201cthe best time to start investing is now\u201d \u2026 you can invest in the future well-being of both your parents and you by doing some of the work now to prepare for and plan your parent\u2019s care needs.<\/p>\n<p>There are two ways to approach it. You can white knuckle and react to a crisis, where you\u2019re forced into making a rushed decision, because now due to that crisis, your choices are very limited. That can lead to a whole world of hurt that I want you to avoid.<\/p>\n<p>The other (better) way is to have an intentional and proactive approach that gives you the competence and confidence to be the very best support for your parents.<\/p>\n<p>Below are three key ways to help you be intentional and proactive with <strong>Now What?<\/strong><\/p>\n<h3>Take the lead and be the guide your parents need<\/h3>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong>You may feel some role reversal with your parents, as you\u2019re providing more of the care, advice, and guidance, and this can also feel awkward and \u201cnot how it\u2019s supposed to work!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s an opportunity to step into your new role as their guide, confidante and even as their<\/p>\n<p><em>Now What? Navigator <\/em>with intention and clarity. These are questions you can work with:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>What are you committed to?<\/li>\n<li>What does being their guide look like?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>In the video I share how I worked with these questions, which can give you some ideas to apply to your situation.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019ll also benefit from doing the Current State\/Ideal State exercise. Take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. On the left side write all the issues or concerns you have with your parents\u2019 current living arrangement. On the right side write what you want things ideally to look like with your parents\u2019 living arrangements.<\/p>\n<p>This exercise can help you pragmatically look at the facts and create clarity with what themes may emerge as it relates to what\u2019s keeping you up at night with worry about your parents.<\/p>\n<p>These two questions can also help you prioritize your concerns and ideal outcome:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>What\u2019s most important to your parents?<\/li>\n<li>What\u2019s most important to you?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3>Challenge your Beliefs, Assumptions and Emotions<\/h3>\n<p>Coming to terms with our parents aging and their care needs is incredibly stressful, frightening, and overwhelming! It\u2019s not like we\u2019ve had any preparation or training for this, right?<\/p>\n<p>Coupled with that, most people don\u2019t have a solid understanding of seniors\u2019 care, the full spectrum of care levels, and how it works. So, it\u2019s possible, through reading media reports, or hearing stories from friends, that what you think you know, belief or feel about seniors\u2019 care may not be serving you and your parents\u2019 best interests right now.<\/p>\n<p>When you look at the current state list you created, work with these questions:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>What are you most worried about?<\/li>\n<li>What\u2019s your biggest concern right now?<\/li>\n<li>What\u2019s the real challenge now for you?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>What these questions are really getting at is this: What\u2019s currently not working (or not working so well) that\u2019s keeping you up at night? What are those 3:00 am thoughts that you\u2019re wrestling with?<\/p>\n<p>These questions can help uncover some of the emotional turmoil you may be feeling about your parents\u2019 health, wellness, and safety with where they\u2019re currently living and managing (or not).<\/p>\n<p>Then it\u2019s important to look at what you know and don\u2019t know about your options. You can use these questions to help build your competence and confidence as their guide, with insight and information.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>What do I know about retirement living?<\/li>\n<li>What resources can I tap into to learn more?<\/li>\n<li>What\u2019s most important for me to understand?<\/li>\n<li>How can I be the best guide for my parents to help us make the best decision?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3>Clarify and adjust Expectations (of your parents, yourself\/siblings and of the home)<\/h3>\n<p><em>Disappointment = Expectations &#8211; Reality<\/em><\/p>\n<p>The biggest contributor to family frustration and disappointment is unmet expectations.<\/p>\n<p>Now that you have created some clarity around the current state and ideal state, and what\u2019s worrying you the most, you can now look at what you can focus on that you CAN influence and control, to create the best possible outcome<\/p>\n<p>Use this question to help get your ideas onto paper<\/p>\n<h3>What does Success look like to You?<\/h3>\n<p>Imagine you\u2019ve helped your parents move into a wonderful retirement home community. They\u2019ve lived there for six months now, and you\u2019re telling a friend or co-worker how thrilled you are with your parents\u2019 new retirement community. What needs to be in place for you to rave about it? How do you feel when you visit? What do you appreciate the most?<\/p>\n<p>Share your success vision with your contact at the home, so you can see if what you expect aligns with reality (to avoid disappointment) or where adjustments may need to be made.<\/p>\n<p>Every family has different definitions of success so it\u2019s important that the home has clarity about yours.<\/p>\n<p>Now is the time to equip yourself with confidence and competence so that you can be the best guide and support for your parents and family by making the best choices possible, with information and insight.<\/p>\n<h4><strong>About Deborah Bakti<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p><em>Deborah worked as an executive in seniors\u2019 care for 11 years, and during that time she became a resident\u2019s family member three times, with her husband, mom and dad. That life changing experience inspired her to leave her corporate career to start her company THINK Breakthrough, where she helps seniors care homes build their culture on the way in, one family, one conversation at a time.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Deborah\u2019s the author of two books, her first is: \u201cRECIPE for Empathy: Six Strategies to Transform your Families into Fans in Seniors\u2019 Care and her most recent book:<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Now What? Managing the Emotional Journey of Long Term Care for Families with over 8,000 copies sold in the first 6 months of release.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Website:\u00a0 <a href=\"https:\/\/deborahbakti.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">DeborahBakti.com<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>by Deborah Bakti Last week, Verve hosted a webinar where I shared three key concepts to help you navigate through this \u2018age and stage\u2019 of life, where you may be worrying and wondering if your pare  &#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[15,7,10,17],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3246","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-ask-our-experts","category-health-wellness","category-tips-for-seniors","category-watch-verve"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v27.2 (Yoast SEO v27.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>I think my parents need more help! 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