Discussing the idea of assisted living with your parents can feel like a challenging task, but it doesn’t have to be. In fact, it can be a positive step towards ensuring their well-being and happiness as they grow older.
First and foremost, it’s essential to understand that assisted living isn’t about taking away your parents’ independence; it’s about extending it. Many seniors worry about losing their freedom when they hear about moving to a senior living community. They may even avoid the topic altogether because they fear being pushed out of their beloved homes. Meanwhile, adult children and spouses often hesitate to bring it up, unsure of how their loved ones will react.
But here’s the thing, assisted living can actually enhance a senior’s independence, boost their social life, and provide valuable assistance with daily activities. According to Stats Canada, over 127,925 individuals reside happily in different assisted living communities across the country. It’s becoming an increasingly important part of long-term care planning for many families.
So, when should you have the conversation about assisted living?
Well, the earlier, the better. Discussing it well before it’s needed can help ease anxiety and uncertainty about long-term care. Imagine a scenario where an accident or medical crisis suddenly requires a higher level of care. In such situations, families might scramble to find any available option rather than the best one.
Researching and touring senior living communities ahead of time allows you to find a place that offers quality care, aligns with your loved one’s preferences, and fits their budget.
Make future plans a topic of ongoing discussion, not a one-time event. It’s best to talk about assisted living while your parents are still living independently, making it more of a hypothetical conversation.
This approach can help avoid the feeling of urgency and pressure, making it less likely for your parents to feel like they’re being ganged up on.
You could start the discussion in a comfortable setting, like the kitchen table, saying something like, “I know this may be hard to talk about, but I want to honor your wishes. We don’t have to decide anything today, but let’s begin the discussion so we can focus on preparing for the future.”
Here are some friendly tips for having this conversation with your elderly parents:
Research Senior Housing Options: Before talking to your parents, educate yourself about the various types of senior living settings and the care they offer. Pricing can differ from state to state, so make sure to research options where your parents live or want to relocate. Knowing about your parents’ financial situation and funding options is also crucial. If they’re tight-lipped about their finances, emphasize that you need this information to provide for their wishes and needs.
Promise to Keep Seniors Involved: Everyone wants a say in where they live and the care they receive, regardless of age. If possible, ask your parents to join you in touring senior living communities or visiting friends and relatives who have made the move. This firsthand experience can provide valuable insights and make the decision-making process easier.
Use Positive Language: When discussing assisted living, choose words that emphasize the positive aspects. Call it a “community” rather than a “facility” and talk about “condo-style living” instead of “rooms.” Highlight the activities, amenities, and social opportunities available. Maintain a calm and pleasant tone throughout the conversation, reassuring your parents that their preferences are of utmost importance.
Identify “What-Ifs”: Addressing the possibility of one parent passing away is a sensitive topic but an important one. Discuss what should happen to their home and living arrangements in such a scenario. Ask each of them what they’d want for the other person. It’s about ensuring their safety, care, and financial stability in the future.
Remember, the key to a successful conversation is patience, empathy, and respect for your parents’ wishes. By approaching the topic in a friendly and understanding manner, you can help your loved ones make informed decisions about their future.