Have you been neglecting yourself lately? For how long?
What’s stopping you from taking a break, even for just a moment?
How long has it been since you’ve done something just for you?
When was the last time you felt truly rested?
Are you running on empty, but still pushing forward, because that’s what caregiving demands?
As a family caregiver, your focus is naturally on your loved one’s needs. You are used to being the rock, the support system, and the one who is always focused on the needs of your loved one.
You are the caregiver—the one who puts everyone else first.
It’s easy to lose sight of the fact that caring for yourself is an essential part of caring for others. Your well-being matters too, and it’s time to acknowledge that.
Take a deep breath now, because this blog post is not about dementia tips and tricks. This post is about you for a change. We are shifting the focus on you! It’s about time! Here are a few affirmations to try:
My well-being matters.
I matter.
I am important too.
I deserve the love and care I willingly give to others.
Now, I am taking the time to willingly give love and care for myself.
It is time to shift my mindset.
What’s Stopping You from Self-Caring?
It’s easy to feel like caring for yourself is selfish. You might worry that by taking time for yourself, you’re letting your loved one down, or that something will go wrong in your absence. But the truth is, if you don’t look after your own well-being, you won’t have the energy, patience, or compassion to care for anyone else. It’s a tough pill to swallow, but it’s necessary.
Time is another hurdle. Between medications, doctor appointments, and the day-to-day responsibilities, it can feel like there’s no room for anything else, let alone something as “indulgent” as self-care.
You might even feel guilty about taking a break when there’s so much to be done. And when money is tight, the idea of hiring someone to help or taking time off can seem impossible. It’s easy to convince yourself that your needs are secondary to everything else on your plate.
Then there’s the sense of obligation. As a caregiver, you might feel that no one else can step in to provide the level of care your loved one requires, so you keep pushing yourself beyond your limits. Over time, this leads to burnout—feeling physically and emotionally drained to the point where you can’t even think about doing something for yourself. The very thought of it feels overwhelming, like another task on an already packed to-do list. This is the impact of deferring self-care for a long time.
And if caregiving has taken an emotional toll, it’s understandable that you might be feeling down, even depressed. The weight of the role, combined with the constant worry and stress, can make it even harder to prioritize your own health.
But here’s the thing: none of these barriers are insurmountable.
Re-Connecting with What Makes You Happy
Now, let’s take a moment to think about you. When was the last time you did something just for the joy of it? Here’s a checklist to help you rediscover what makes you happy:
1. What activity makes you feel calm and centred?
2. What’s something you used to love doing but haven’t made time for recently?
3. Do you find solace in nature? What outdoor activity makes you feel most alive?
4. Which type of music instantly lifts your mood or helps you relax?
5. Is there a specific dish or treat you enjoy preparing that brings you joy?
6. When was the last time you felt truly at peace? What were you doing at that time?
7. Have you ever tried writing in a journal to express your thoughts and feelings?
8. Are there any nearby spots, parks, or hidden gems you’ve been wanting to explore for a quiet getaway?
9. Is there a person or friend you’ve been wanting to reconnect with, even just for a casual chat?
10. Would you be open to trying a new self-care practice, like aromatherapy, tai chi, or a mindfulness workshop?
Committing to One Thing
Now that you’ve explored what brings you happiness, it’s time to commit to one of these things.
Pick something that resonates with you, and make a plan to incorporate it into your routine, even if it’s just for a few minutes a day. Start with small steps and gradually build up. Remember, you deserve this time. When you prioritise your own happiness, you’re better able to be there for your loved one.
A Change in Mindset: The Key to Self-Care
Instead of focusing on what’s not possible, let’s shift the focus to what is. The reality is, there are options and solutions out there, even if time, money, or guilt are holding you back. And those barriers? They’re not as high as they seem.
When you start looking at your daily life with fresh eyes, you might find small ways to fit self-care in. It doesn’t have to be a big, time-consuming activity.
Can you spare just 10 minutes a day, or an hour a week, to do something for yourself? Starting small is perfectly okay. Once you start making that time a habit, it’ll become easier to gradually build it up.
Guilt is another major hurdle for many caregivers. But here’s a gentle reminder: you can’t pour from an empty cup. The weight of guilt is something you can manage—and how much you carry is ultimately up to you. We encourage you to give yourself permission to let go, even just a little. Try turning down the volume on those guilty feelings. And if you need a boost, revisit the affirmations shared earlier in this article—they’re there to support you.
If you feel like you can’t take a break on your own, perhaps try to ask for help from a friend or family member, even if it’s just for a short time. This trusted friend, family member, or professional caregiver can step in for a while so you can get the rest you need.
Money might also be a concern, especially when you’re already managing so many expenses. But self-care doesn’t have to be expensive.
If it’s possible, revisit your budget and look for small areas where you can allocate a bit of money for your own care—starting small with what you can afford will help you make it a regular part of your life. For example, aim to regularly set aside some money to buy that e-reader you’ve always wanted to get yourself because you love reading! This gives you a positive goal to set your eyes on and breaks away from the routine of care-giving to a mindset of care-receiving!
If depression is something you’re struggling with, please know you don’t have to go through it alone. Talking to a therapist or joining free support groups (www.DementiaSolutions.ca) can offer a safe space to process your emotions and get the support you need to prioritize your well-being. You deserve to feel heard, supported, and empowered to take care of yourself.
This blog is for you—because you need attention too. Reconnect with what makes you happy. You deserve to feel whole, healthy, and supported. Don’t forget to give yourself the care and love you so freely offer to others. You’re worth it.
By shifting your mindset, you’ll see that there are small but meaningful ways to care for yourself without guilt or frustration or even huge time or money investments! Startsmall and experience a big difference!
Karen Tyrell CPCA, CDCP is a Dementia Consultant, Educator, Author & Advocate, and Founder of Personalized Dementia Solutions Inc. (www.DementiaSolutions.ca). Karen offers her expertise on dementia care through speaking engagements; workshops; support groups (both online and in-person) and by working one-on-one with families/caregivers to provide emotional support and practical solutions. She was also on the design team for The Village Langley (Verve Senior Living) and provides ongoing education to the Village team, families and the community. If you would like to learn more, please feel free to reach out.
DISCLAIMER:
The contents of this blog are provided for information purposes only. They are not intended to replace clinical diagnosis or medical advice from a health professional.
