
Communication is one of the most vital tools in creating a calm and positive environment for people with dementia. To help caregivers navigate challenging interactions, we offer practical tips and scripts to address the most common questions people with dementia ask, while maintaining understanding, peaceful relationships and connection.
What Is Caring Communication?
Caring communication is a compassionate and intentional approach to engaging with someone living with dementia, rooted in empathy and respect for their unique experiences.
This approach requires caregivers to step into their world, setting aside the natural instinct to correct or rationalize and instead focusing on validating their feelings and meeting their needs in the moment.
More than just spoken words, caring communication encompasses the full spectrum of interaction—tone of voice, facial expressions, gestures, and body language. A calm, gentle tone can convey reassurance, while an open and non-threatening posture can foster a sense of safety. Eye contact, a warm smile, and a soothing touch (when appropriate) can bridge the gap between confusion and connection, helping the person feel seen, heard, and valued.
This skill also involves active listening. By paying attention to non-verbal cues such as body tension, facial expressions, or changes in behaviour, caregivers can better understand the emotions behind the words. For example, a repetitive question might indicate anxiety, a need for reassurance, or a longing for familiarity.
Understanding the “Why” Behind the Questions
Every question or behaviour from a person with dementia arises from an unmet need, emotion, or memory. As we always teach, there is always a reason for the behaviour. Recognizing this helps caregivers respond with empathy rather than frustration. Creating a peaceful environment is crucial for the well-being of someone living with dementia. This often means focusing on soothing their emotions rather than confronting their confusion.
Arguing or correcting someone with dementia can increase their agitation. Instead, it’s important to see things from their perspective and step into their world. The focus is on validating their feelings and joining their perspective.
Caring Communication Scripts to the Most Common Questions from People with Dementia
Building on the understanding that each question or behaviour from a person with dementia has a reason behind it, this section offers caregivers practical, compassionate scripts to respond effectively.
1. Where am I? Why am I here?
“You’re in a safe place where everyone cares about you. This is your new home, and we’re here to make sure you’re comfortable. Let me show you around so you feel more at ease.”
“You’re staying here in this safe place for the next couple of weeks while they are doing some repairs at your house.”
“Oh, I can only imagine how confusing this must be for you. You’re safe here. I can show you around or would you prefer we sit somewhere more private? Let’s talk about what’s on your mind.”
“I understand this feels unfamiliar right now. Let me connect with the front staff and see if we can get in touch with your family. In the meantime, let’s go grab a coffee or tea and sit in the garden while we wait for the staff to get back to us.”
2. When am I going home?
“Tell me more about your home. What street do you live in? Is it a house or an apartment?”
You’re staying here for now so we can take good care of you and manage your high blood pressure. I promise we’ll make sure everything is okay. Let’s talk about your favourite part of home—maybe we can decorate your room the same way.”
“It sounds like home is on your mind today. What do you miss most about it? Maybe we can bring a bit of that here.”
3. Where are my things?
“It sounds like you’re worried about something missing. Let’s take some time to look together—I’m sure we’ll find what you’re looking for.”
“Your things are here, and we’re making sure everything is kept safe. We’ve locked away your important items as you had requested.”
“Your belongings are safe and nearby. I can help you find anything you’re looking for. What is it you’d like to see?”
4. What day/time is it? When is my spouse/child coming to see me?
“It’s [day/time], Let’s write it down together. As for your loved one, let me look into it and get back to you when I find out that answer. In the meantime, can I get your help folding these napkins?”
“It’s [day/time], and we’ll make sure you’re ready for your loved one’s visit. In the meantime, let’s make a list of things we need to prepare for their visit.”
“I understand you’re eager to see them. Let’s talk about what you’d like to do/ share with them when they come. Can I help you prepare?”
5. When can I see my mom/dad/wife/husband/son/daughter? (These are response ideas if the person they are looking for has passed away.)
“Hummm, I’m not sure, where do you think they are today? When do you think they may be back?
Let the person tell you where they believe they are. If they say passed away, then we agree gently with them.
If they say on the person they are looking for is on a trip, then we say,
“Oh fun! I’m sure they will be in touch when they return.”
“It sounds to me like you really care about [loved one]. Let’s look at some pictures of your [loved one] and tell me more about them.
“You are such a caring and loving person. Your family members are so fortunate to have you in their life. What are some of your favourite memories of your family member?”
If they recall the person has passed away:
“It’s hard not being able to be with our loved ones. (Reminiscing can take place next.)
We can also suggest:
“How about we work on writing them a letter or we can talk about what you’d like to say to them.”
There are many ways to approach someone with dementia, but the most important thing is gentleness, which requires patience, time, and space. Sometimes, this may mean taking them to a quiet place where they can calm down on their own—allowing them the freedom to vent while you simply sit there, offering a listening ear.
Think about how we react when we’re upset. Telling someone to “calm down” only makes us feel more dismissed and misunderstood. People with dementia are no different—they need time to process, and often more time than we might expect.
Just like us, they don’t want to be rushed during moments of vulnerability. Rushing communication only adds to their confusion and frustration.
By offering patience, understanding and ideal dementia care communication techniques, caregivers can foster a connection based on respect and empathy. It’s in these quiet moments of presence and support that the deepest bonds are formed. In the end, it’s not about the words we say, but the love and care we convey through our actions.
Karen Tyrell CPCA, CDCP is a Dementia Consultant, Educator, Author & Advocate, and Founder of Personalized Dementia Solutions Inc. (www.DementiaSolutions.ca). Karen offers her expertise on dementia care through speaking engagements; workshops; support groups (both online and in-person) and by working one-on-one with families/caregivers to provide emotional support and practical solutions. She was also on the design team for The Village Langley (Verve Senior Living) and provides ongoing education to the Village team, families and the community. If you would like to learn more, please feel free to reach out.
DISCLAIMER:
The contents of this blog are provided for information purposes only. They are not intended to replace clinical diagnosis or medical advice from a health professional.